I've always wondered how things aren't always like "do not do unto others what you do not want them to do unto you".

For example, privacy. Someone who needs privacy would probably find it difficult to not invade others' privacy. Of course, there are several reasons for our need for privacy but in general, to obtain privacy means to have a control over what others can see and what they cannot.

To do that, one must be able to understand the other party (person A) to know HOW to protect him/herself from person A. It requires understanding person A without him knowing you're doing so such that you can have perfect control. And to do that, you need to intrude into Person A's privacy. (which contradicts how one can value privacy and intrude into others' privacy at the same time)

Different people work on different logic, of course.


Or trust. Someone who lacks trust in others would most probably want others to trust them. So they start out with "I want others to trust me" and rightfully, they should trust others as well but they obviously can't.

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Anyway, I chose these two examples for a reason. There isn't anything called trust or privacy in this house. After so much frustration about these two issues, I somehow found some links between them.

1a) my mom's lack of trust in me (why, I haven't figured out) +
1b) her wanting to protect me from harm (she reads too much about adolescents turning uh.. bad) It's because she loves me but it really gets a little too extreme..

2) her need to know everything about me (and complaining that I hide too much, which I do as a result of 3)

3a) thus flipping through my things without permission (I saw her doing that to someone else when I was young and she'll look at whatever that's on the table or on the computer screen, and she picked up the phone at least 3 times when I was talking to my friend just to check if it was a boy -it wasn't- AND looked at my account books etc. and probably other stuff on my table AND complained about not letting her read my blog)
3b) questioning me when she finds something fishy (which may not be anything at all, just over suspecting)

4) my instinct to hide everything from her and valuing privacy

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In no way am I trying to blame her for my state, I do not have an intention to. I just want to find out the reason why I'm like that and do something about it. So pardon me if the tone sounds harsh (that's something I really have to improve on), and for point 3 which sounded like I'm ranting. Okay, maybe I was ranting at point 3 but that's where it stops. Well anyway it might partly be my fault that she doesn't trust me.

Always focus on the positive goal and not the negative past right?



Sadly, we always tell ourselves "I don't want to be like my parents in xxx aspects when I grow up!" but we always do. UNLESS we actively try to do something about it. Give me time, I'll try.